As I sit here in the tropical embrace of the Tropics, surrounded by the vibrant hues of nature and the warmth of family, I find myself ruminating on a lesson learned through the lens of childhood: sharing. This reflection is not merely an abstract contemplation but a journey shaped by my own experiences as the 3rd child among 11 siblings, growing up in humble circumstances where the need to share was not just a concept but a way of life.
You see, sharing, as we commonly understand it, may not be the wholesome concept we believe it to be. Let me share a personal story that reshaped my perspective on this seemingly simple act.
My husband and I, far from our European roots, migrated from Sydney to be close to our daughter and granddaughter. Little did we know that the Australian government would throw us a curveball, closing borders and separating our family for six long months. During this involuntary separation, our bond with our granddaughter deepened, prompting a decision to relocate closer to them, yearning to keep our family united and free from the pain of separation.
Now, with our granddaughter nearing the age of three, she not only brings joy to our lives but also imparts profound lessons about life. Today, I want to share an observation about the notion of sharing, especially in the world of children.
The prevailing idea of sharing, while well-intentioned, can be fundamentally flawed. I’ve come to realize that what we often label as “sharing” is more accurately described as “turn-taking.” Picture this: you’re at a restaurant, engrossed in jotting down something important, and a stranger casually snatches your pen. The audacity! Yet, if that person politely asks for permission, your response transforms from shock to generosity.
Children, too, experience this when engrossed in play at a park or communal space. Rather than insisting on immediate sharing, which disrupts their focus, we should respect their concentration and allow them the time to complete their activity. After all, compromising their learning for the sake of appeasing adult expectations doesn’t serve anyone well.
Moreover, the concept of sharing can be challenging for young children to grasp until they become more socially aware, typically around 6-7 years old. So, how can we instill the essence of sharing without imposing unrealistic expectations on our little ones? The answer lies in promoting turn-taking.
Next time you witness another child approaching your little one during play, consider these steps:
Acknowledge the desire:
“Oh, I can see you would love to have a turn. My child is using it now, but when they finish, you can have a turn.”
Recognise their feelings:
“Waiting for a turn can be tough. Would you like to do this or that while you wait?” (Offer a choice to distract them.)
Inform your child:
“You didn’t want the boy to take your toy, but when you’re ready, the boy would like to have a turn.”
Allow time for decision:
Give your child space to process and decide when they are ready to hand over the toy.
In essence, turn-taking fosters respect, patience, kindness, and consideration – qualities we all wish to instil in our children. Instead of compelling them to share, let’s embrace turn-taking as a method to cultivate the core principles of sharing. It’s a subtle shift in perspective that can make a world of difference in nurturing the genuine spirit of sharing in our children’s hearts.
After all, true sharing is a lesson learned, not coerced.